Life Stuff

7 Miles for Snickers

Disclaimer: If you don’t like reading sad things, skip this post. I try to keep this blog happy, but it is also my space to get things off my chest. I don’t like to talk about my feelings/ problems in person, so writing this is to help me cope with a loss.

P.S. I apologize for being super absent in the blog world recently. I just haven’t had the energy/time to be present.

If you follow me on Instagram, then you probably know that my cat passed last week- actually 1 week from today. Unless you’re an animal/pet person, it’s hard to understand this type of loss. The way I see it, I lost a best friend.

Some of you may think I’m being dramatic, and that’s okay. I do me, and you do you. I’m the type of person that talks to her pets and thinks of them as my babies. But I know many people don’t feel that way.

I’ve had this kitty since I was 7 years old. We essentially grew up together. She may have grew older than me, but she was my baby and I was her mama.

We adopted Snickers from a local animal feed store. The day my rabbit died, I apparently wouldn’t stop crying. My dad couldn’t take it any more so he told my mom that we had to find me something. Anything. My mom started calling around to find out if anyone had kittens. She randomly called our local feed shop and they happened to get a kitten that day. I call it fate because this feed shop doesn’t typically carry animals (only sometimes chicks and ducks). But serendipitously, some little boy had found Snickers –> his dad let him keep her –> they didn’t tell mom –> mom made them get rid of her. Their loss, my gain.

This is Snickers the day we brought her home.

snickers
She was a tiny little thing that could fit in the palm of your hand!

Snickers started out as the family kitty, but quickly became my pet.

She only came when I called her- she ran from everyone else.

She greeted me at the front door whenever I came home.

She showered with me. Yep. Not so much in her later years, but for most of her life, she would follow me to the bathroom and when I would open the shower door (after the water was warm of course- mama didn’t raise no dummy), she would hop on in.

We played fetch together. Yes. She actually chased after whatever I threw (usually a large hair band), picked it up with her mouth, and brought it back to my lap.

Without fail, she would sit on my lap within 5 minutes of me sitting/laying down. She could be asleep in a closet somewhere, but if I sat down on the couch, my bat signal must have turned on and BAM she was there. She had to sit on my books and keyboard as I studied. She would sit behind me, on my chair, when I ate dinner. I always thought this was funny, but now it is the thing I miss more than anything.

I could go on and on about how much time we spent together over the years, but I think you get the picture- we were close.

snickers
This was taken the day before she passed. And she pulled my hand there.

Back in February, we found out she had a tumor in her small intestines. You can read the full details here, but basically there was not much we could do but prolong the inevitable. The vet thought she would only last a month, tops, so I guess you could say I’m lucky? I knew we were in for a battle and I knew I had to treasure every moment I had with her.

My philosophy with pets is that if they get sick, I will fight that battle along side them no matter what, until they give up and decide it is their time. It is not my place to keep a pet alive if they no longer want that for themselves.

Snickers hadn’t given up yet. So, we fought on.

I bought her every brand and flavor of canned cat food to keep her always wanting more food. She ate >5x/day, but still lost weight. We started giving her subcutaneous fluids to help her kidneys out. And we took her in for cortisone injections (helps with the tumor).

About a week before her passing, I could tell Snickers wasn’t doing well. And last week (the week she passed), she still wanted to eat and drink, she just had a hard time doing so. She grew weaker and weaker, but still wanted to be fed if it was by hand.

Thursday the 7th. She hardly wanted to move. She was incredibly weak. And she no longer wanted food. Somehow I knew that Friday would be her last day.

We spent Thursday afternoon and evening cuddling on my bed. She had the strength to crawl on to one of her favorite spots to lay on me, my neck. And that night I let her sleep on my bed.

snickers

At around 2 AM, I heard her jump off the bed. She tried to get up and was unsuccessful. She was trying to hide from me.

(A lot of times, pets/animals will run away or hide to die. It’s instinctual.)

I knew she was leaving to go pass on her own. I picked her up and knew she only had minutes left. I placed her in my lap, and pet her and told her it was okay and that I love her. No tears were shed. Animals can sense fear. I did not want to her be scared. She took her last breath. I continued to pet her until I was sure she was gone. Then I wrapped her up in a towel that my grandma had made me. And then I started sobbing uncontrollably.

I was so loud that I woke my mom up. She comforted me until Kyle came over. I’m fairly certain I cried myself to sleep that night.

Friday day was unbelievably hard. I stayed in bed and barely ate/drank (only when forced to). I felt like things would never get better and I never wanted another pet. I just kept playing her death over and over and over in my head. Was there something more I could have done? Should I have put her down on Thursday? Did she suffer? Am I selfish?

Saturday was the same, except for a run. I needed to run. I wanted to dedicate it to Snickers, but 17 miles (her age) would have been stupid as my body has not trained for such a distance. 7 miles, the age I got her, it was.

7 brutal miles. Many tears shed. I felt weak the entire run. I don’t even remember a run being that hard. Maybe when I first started running? I spent those miles thinking about all the good memories we had together, trying to force Friday’s horrible images out of my head.

Here we are, a week later. I still miss her so much. It’s when I’m either doing nothing, or doing routine things that really bums me out- when I open the front door and she’s not there, when I shower and she’s not in between the 2 curtains, and when I sit down on the couch and no one comes to jump in my lap.

That being said, I’m doing much better. I keep busy and it forces me not to think about it. I’ve lost 2 dogs growing up, so I know eventually the pain goes away. Slowly, I’ll accept that she’s gone and at peace. Slowly.

snickers

Advertisements

28 thoughts on “7 Miles for Snickers

  1. Just lost a pound in tears. What a beautiful tribute. She was well loved, you can’t ask for more. It’s the crummy risk we take when we let these furry creatures into our hearts, we will outlive them. Each time I lose one I vow, NEVER again- each time my will crumbles over time. You will never have another Snickers, but you will have another with equally endearing traits and gifts . . . we are quite lucky that way! Give it time, your hands are full with the move/house . . . soon, another lovely creature will call you their own.

  2. I’ll be honest, this had me in tears. As a pet owner, I have also had to go through this before. In June, my almost 16 year old black labrador Casey had to be put to sleep. She had been with me my whole life (she was 8.5 months older than me), and I had lived every single day of my life having here there. A couple years ago she went deaf, last year she had to get a toe amputated due to a small cancer, and over the last year, she kept getting progressively weaker and weaker. She started losing traction and would always slip and fall hard on the kitchen floor (bambi style), and within the last few months she lost her ability to climb stairs, even the 3 front stairs to go outside, but she was still always as happy as could be. The last week of her life, she became very very sick, and the doctor attributed it to kidney failure and REALLY REALLY old age for a black lab. Casey, July 1998-June 2014. I also have a cat, Buster, who is starting to get pretty old. He was born Sept 15, 1999, but he hasn’t aged a day since! I don’t know why I’m sharing all of this, but I am very sorry for your loss, and always know that all of your friends, family, and followers will be here for you forever! 🙂

  3. Oh my heart just aches for you. Losing a pet is one of the hardest things you can experience. This was so beautifully written and shows what a special person you are. I was just wondering last night where you were and how you are doing. Sending you hugs and healing vibes. I know it hurts and hope with time you feel better. I am so glad you are in good hands with your family and Kyle. Snickers was a lucky cat, and you a lucky girl.

  4. I’m so sorry for your loss, I know firsthand how hard it is to lose your pet/best friend. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about mine. ❤

  5. I love how cats have such unique personalities. I’ve never heard of a cat that likes the shower :). The two of you shared an amazing bond and I’m sure that she felt safe and comforted just being with you. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  6. So sad! I just cried! I’m living with a lady right now who just put her cat down yesterday and it was a hard decision! And MY cats are my babies! My favorite cat died while I was in Iraq and my parents didn’t tell me till we were in the car on the way back to the house. I never thought I’d love a cat like him and it actually took awhile for my current cats to grow on me because of that. But now I LOVE my cats and can’t imagine my life without THESE fur balls! I will be a mess when my cats die in the future! I think it’s wonderful that you go to be there for Snickers though right at the end. I’m glad you’re doing a little bit better and I’m sure you’ll have memories of Snickers that will last a lifetime!

  7. This post is beautiful and shows how loving you are. Snickers sounds like such a special cat, and the two of you shared an incredible bond! I am glad that you got to spend 17 years together. *hug*

  8. A sad but wonderfully written love story between you and your kitty. What a special bond you had with her. I cried my eyeballs out for your loss. It’s something we never look forward to when we love our pets so much and their lifespan is so short. Well, unless you have cockatoo. Your Snickers will be your most special kitty. What wonderful memories she gave you and how lucky you found each other. You’re a very loving person and one day another lucky creature will win your heart. I’m very sorry for your loss. Sigh…

  9. I am so, so truly sorry for your loss Amy. Reading this was surprisingly hard, I am so sorry you are hurting so much.

    I always have wanted a black cat, and ended up with a black and white cat named Dixie. Just like Snickers, she acted like a “cat” to everyone but me and she was my baby. I don’t like to think about how she passed, but reading this made me reflect on how lucky I was to grow up with her.

    I hope you can find comfort and that you can relish in how wonderful she made your life once time has passed a bit more.
    Best wishes!

  10. You were there for her until the very last second. Because if you she wasn’t scared and was safe and as comfortable as can be. Sounds like you two were meant to have been in each other’s lives friend. You took care of each other… I’m so sorry for your loss and will hug my furballs a little tighter today for snickers .

  11. Amy I am so sorry for your loss. Nothing compares to the loss of a pet, and unless you lose one you don’t understand. I’m so sorry again, it’s terrible and devastating.

  12. Yes, i saw this in IG. So sorry Amy. I know how much you love that kitty. Our oldest dog is starting to have seizures. It’s pretty sad to think about. Sending you good vibes.

  13. My heart is breaking so you and I am in tears! I am sorry for for your loss. At least your baby is not suffering and you got to be there until they very end. There is nothing more you could’ve done and it sounds like Snickers got so much love with you. I know nothing can ease the pain, but time and just know all your blogger friends are here for you!

  14. I have so many tears right now. Your relationship with Snickers mirrors the one that I have with my Oskie. Please know that you were not being selfish. I can’t think of a more comforting place for her to be at the very end than snuggled up with you at home. She was as lucky to have you as you were to have her. Sending many hugs and I hope you are feeling okay today. ❤

Talk to me!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s