Life Stuff

It’s a good day when I don’t want to punch you in the face for smiling at me

I want to sincerely thank all of you for your support right now. It really means a lot!

Note: This post will have some swearing. If this offends you, don’t read.

I’ve never been one to talk about my problems or feelings with others. If you don’t believe me, I’ll give you Kyle and my mom’s phone numbers and they can tell you it’s like pulling teeth. Not just pulling human teeth, but like pulling teeth from a wild mama raccoon protecting her babies. I just don’t like it.

That being said, for some reason writing this post was a tiny bit cathartic. And reading all of your blogs and stalking you on Instagram/Twitter gives my mind a brief break. I hope to get back to regular blogging soon, but for right now please don’t be offended by my lack of presence. I am reading your posts, but sometimes I don’t feel like “talking” back.

Some of you might already know from Instagram, but they found a tumor in my kitty’s small intestine. I’ve had this kitty since the second grade. <–reason why I want to punch happy people


She was MY first pet (we had family pets). For the longest time (until college), she would not come near other people, including my family. She only hung out with me. Every time I’m sick, she sleeps on my belly the whole day. At dinner, she sits behind me on my chair. She used to even hop in the shower with me. Kyle was actually the first non-family member she sat on and allowed to pet. (FYI She’s a lot friendlier with the family now)

Snickers had started vomiting on Thursday but I gave her until Saturday to stop. She’s been known to eat her food so quickly that she throws it up, so I needed to make sure I wasn’t overreacting. Plus, she was acting completely normal otherwise. Saturday I went to see the vet and they did blood work and took an X-ray. At the time, the vet wasn’t sure what “the obstruction” was in her small intestine. She was hoping it was a massive hairball. I was told to switch Snickers to baby food for a few days to give her tummy a break, but if she continued to vomit, we needed to take her back in.

Monday I had to take her back to the vet. This time they did an ultrasound and a specialist looked at her old X-ray. He is 99% positive it’s a tumor. The naive part of me is hoping the doctors are fucking idiots and I could hook an air compressor up to Snickers’ mouth and shoot the hairball out of her ass…

The vet told me the news and tears started pouring uncontrollably from my eyes. I was given a few options for treatment:

  1. Chemo– As much as I would like to think this would solve the problem, I cannot make her go through that. She HATES the vets’ office. It’s stressful, they would have to sedate her, and it would require weekly visits. Her last months would be hell.
  2. Surgery to remove the tumor– this one is still in consideration. The problem with surgery is that she already has a heart murmur (born with it), her kidneys are bad (a problem we have been managing for the past year or so), and now she has a thyroid condition. She’s a fucking piñata of medical conditions and if we pop her open, I’m afraid of what could come spilling out. I was however told that her quality of life would not be diminished if we went through with the surgery. BUT they just don’t know how much more time this would give her.
  3. Cortisone shots– we’ve given her one so far. In some cases, this can temporarily stop the vomiting and give her small intestine a break. We don’t know if it will work, but this can be done once a month if successful.

Needless to say, Monday was a shitfest of a day. I was angry, confused, sad, and happy when I was in front of Snickers. I truly believe that pets can tell when you’re upset, and I didn’t want her to think anything was wrong. Like I said, she doesn’t act sick except for the vomiting. Luckily I had Kyle there to drive me to and from the vet’s office, hold me when I was sobbing uncontrollably, and stay until I fell asleep.

Tuesday was really hard again. It doesn’t help when a coworker asks, “Are you okay? Your eyes look tired and puffy.”

Thanks. I wanted to yell, “No, my cat is dying. Go jump off a fucking bridge.” But I smiled and said, “I’m fine.”

Today I’m doing better so far. My emotions are a little spastic right now though. I never know when I’ll just start tearing up. Or if I’ll want to rip your head off.

I really just need to find a phone booth.

So for now, I’m smothering Snickers with love. I spend as much time with her as I can. I hate leaving for work…

Thanks for listening. Sorry if I sound like a whiny bitch. I am. But if you tell me that, I’d tell you how much it’s going to hurt when I shove your own head up your ass.


54 thoughts on “It’s a good day when I don’t want to punch you in the face for smiling at me

  1. Sorry to hear, I hope my twitter taunts were taken in jest cause I really don’t want my head up my arse.
    Hope kitty gets better. BTW, my friend has a cat she named Kitty Kitty Meow Meow Head. She’s weird.

  2. Aw, Snickers! Pets take care of us so much, it’s always a sobering moment when we have to repay the favor and it’s not as easy as just a cuddle or a pat. That doesn’t mean I didn’t giggle when you called her a pinata of medical conditions, though…

  3. I am sooo sooo sorry! I hope your kitty can get better. I don’t know if this will help, but my dog had a tumor too. It was something like a ‘breast cancer’ in dogs. At the time she was diagnosed with it, she was almost 9 and the tumor was so big that they were not sure if they will be able to put stiches without them ripping apart. My parents took the risk and it paid off, she lived another happy 5 years. Sending you lots of good vibes and courage! Stay strong! xoxo

  4. Sorry to hear that you didn’t get good news from the vet. It’s such a difficult and personal decision on how to handle illnesses with pets. I know that it can be hard to share feelings about what is going on too, especially when not everyone understands what it’s like to have a pet. I have my own kitty so I definitely understand :(.

  5. I am so, so sorry to hear this. There is nothing harder than finding out a beloved pet is sick. You hate to see them suffer and the emotions are tough. We lost our beloved dog to cancer a few years ago. Sometimes I think of him and still get so sad and angry. It was just so unfair that such a wonderful animal had to suffer. I have been thinking about you and hope you are doing ok. Give your cat some snuggles for me too. Hugs for you and hope to see you back here soon.

    1. Thank you so much for all your support! It means a lot 🙂 So sorry to hear about your dog. I definitely know what you mean about still getting angry and sad about it. This is the one thing I hate about pets…Thank you again ❤

  6. Let it out! You’re not whining. A lot of us have had sick pets and understand how heartbreaking and consuming it can be. I’m glad you’re getting it out and with naughty language too. Don’t you feel better 🙂 Send my love to snickers. You are doing the right thing by thinking of her first and keeping her livelihood your #1 priority. You are a good, selfless owner and she’s lucky to have you and your snuggles.

  7. I totally believe that writing is very cathartic and sometime the best way to relieve the bad feelings. I’m so glad you started blogging and have such good blog friends. Snickers is reacting positively to both the injection and your extra love.

  8. I am so, so, sorry Snickers is going through this! Best wishes that she and you can find comfort soon. I know you’ll do whatever is best for your little girl!

  9. Dear Snickers, you have a fantastic name and a pretty cool owner….please get better soon. I am a little concerned about the “air compressor” and hoping you get to avoid that route….even though it made me laugh out loud. Get better Snickers.

    1. Lol thanks for making me giggle and for your support 🙂 Snickers wanted me to tell you (she’s not good with typing), not to worry and that she wouldn’t let me anywhere near her if I approached with an air compressor.

  10. I am so sorry to hear about Snickers. I am glad you were able to find some relief writing about it. That definitely helps. I hope Snickers feels better soon!

  11. Sorry for Snicker’s health issues, I know you’ll end up deciding what’s best for her. I’m so sorry for the pain you’re going through, pets are family and having them sick is terrible and so hard for anyone without pets to understand. Continuing to send good thoughts and prayers your way 🙂

  12. I thought about liking your post but I am not sure you are supposed to like something you cry through! I totally understand your pain and if my boys were going through this I would be the same way, although not as brave as you to write about it! I’m glad this has helped you process your feelings and please know you have others hoping the best for you and your kitty!

  13. Thinking of you and Snickers. Tough times when they are not well. We love our pets so much and they love us right back. I hope she continues to respond well to the injection and your love. Hugs to you and her.

  14. How sad! One of my cats bled out while I was in Iraq, but I’m glad I missed the end of that one. My other cat looks like he’s on his way out, but since I haven’t lived at my parent’s in a long time, I hope not to be there when he dies (but I did take him to the vet thinking they’d give me awful information and that I’d have to put him to sleep and I cried the whole way). I have two cats at my house now and will be so upset when they get old and die. I’m so attached to my animals and it’s awful knowing it’s the end for them. But I think my choice would be putting animals to sleep if I had to. Vomiting sucks and I’d hate to go through life not being able to eat, but it seems too stressful for animals to do things like chemo (what cat is ever going to like it!) and if they’re at the end of their life span, I don’t think I could spend that kind of money. These are all things I thought about with my elderly cat at my mom and dad’s. I’ll keep hoping that I’m somehow oblivious to my cats dying and that they’ll do it while I’m not home and somebody else can find them (after a hopefully quick and painless death).

    1. Oh geez I’m so sorry about your cat! It’s horrible when it’s their time. Yeah, we had to put my old dog to sleep a couple years ago. He fought for a really long time and we could tell he still wanted to live, but at a certain point he gave up and we knew it was time. Yeah I’m crossing my fingers that this shot works on my kitty. So far *knock on wood* she hasn’t vomited again.

      1. Well I hope she does better with the shots! It really is so hard to have animals die! I’m so attached to mine! My 4 year old cat was there with me all the time when I was single and she was like my little sidekick. I can’t imagine my life without them, even if they’re “just” pets.

  15. I am sorry to ear of this news 😦
    I understand how important a pet is. My loss was sudden and unexpected. If you need to talk let me know ❤
    Hopefully whatever time you have left with her is great. Cherish the time. In the end if its tomorrow or years from now unfortunately we will have to say goodbye to pets. After I lost my cat I thought I never wanted another pt because I was scared to be vulnerable and let myself care for something that I could lose. Even now when my kitty gets sick I am a giant mess because it scares me.

  16. I don’t wish this on anyone. When Gus got sick last Winter, Zach and I were both completely inconsolable. And anyone who says it’s just a pet (if there are still people who would say that, I hope there aren’t) can kiss my ass. You find me a person who is ever as loyal and consistent as our little furbabies? I’ll be sending you and Snickers lots of love and happy thoughts. . .

    1. Aww thank you so much love, you’re too kind. It’s so true- our pets give so much to us without asking for anything in return…except food 😉 It’s very hard for me to explain this to friends who don’t have pets and who never had one. They just don’t understand the relationship…

      1. No absolutely. . . for MONTHS Zach and I would both just sporadically break into tears while we were trying to figure out exactly what was wrong with Gus. There’s something about pets not being able to tell you what’s wrong that makes the entire situation feel THAT much more helpless. Worst feeling in the world — if only we could talk with them! 😦

  17. I’m on the sick kitty roller coaster right now too. Miss Kitty is my baby who I’ve had for fifteen years. She started throwing up two weeks ago out of nowhere and quickly crashed. She’s spent the last two weeks hospitalized with kidney failure and a whole list of other scary things to go with it. We are taking it day by day and doing everything possible for our fur baby as I’m sure you are with Snickers. You never truly know love until you love and are loved by an animal. I’m still waiting for one person to say “it’s just a cat” so I can punch them in the face.

    1. Oh no!!! I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Your kitty is lucky to have loving parents. So true- the unconditional love of an animal is like nothing other. Oh man, I’ll punch that person with you. Wishing you the best of luck with kitty 😦

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